i smoke way too many cigarettes
and i don't want to smoke at all anymore
but i'm in pretty deep this time
so i thought i could use some help
my doctor prescribed champix
the pharmacist explained it
i started taking them on thursday
by sunday my world collapsed
i had already been suffering
from unrequited love
i had already been dealing
with post-ativan anxiety
the depression is always there with me
i've learned to cope with it mostly
but sunday my world collapsed
everything bad has been magnified
by a thousand times or more
i can't sleep for more than two hours at a time
last night i had vivid dreams and nightmares
that are still haunting me today
i'll never repeat them to anybody
i can barely see through the tears to write this
i should have been at work an hour ago
i'm sick to my stomach and can't keep anything down
i'm weak from not eating and tired from dreaming
i just read the fine print in the fancy champix packaging
and i'm flushing every last fucking one of them
i'm going to try to work today
and try to smile for friends
which will be only half
as bad as being alone tonight
caught in a strange and terrifying hell
the likes of which i've never known
i'm scared
i'm shaking
i'm terrified
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