i'm staring the bottle down
like we might just have a go at it
30 of them and just one of me
one refill for a rainy day
another one only a doctors office away
2mg of calm vs 160 lbs of raw anxiousness
i pour the bottles contents onto a record sleeve
i spell out the word choice in pills
tiny little white oval ones with open arms
whispering sweet nothings
i read the label - take 1 when needed
seems a little vague
i'm building up a tolerance to you
i'm already dependent upon you
i wonder if the withdrawal
could feel any worse than this does
you ease my hopelessness
but you steal so much of my memory
damned if i do and damned if i don't
i sigh and wash you down with water
i'll tap foot to floor until you release
into my bloodstream
let's relax for the time being
we were made
to abuse each other
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My NP has me on celexa 40mg a day & lorazapam for anxiety attacks. However I can't get a refill on the lorazapam w/out an office call which cost me $124 last time. I spoke w/ her about it & she said it was policy. Now this past wkend I have had clusters of panic attacks even w/the celexa. I don't know how to explain to her so she will understand that I can't afford $124 (with insurance) every time I need a refill, single 30 tabs. I am very discouraged & am "borrowing" xanax and valium from friends.
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