fool's gold

i'm completely screwed
again
and i know it
the realization
of its extent
is just beginning to sink in
like a firecracker to the face
an extravagant show of explosion
sure to dazzle those who slow their cars
to get a better glimpse
of twisted metal
twisting into flesh
i've been down this road before
and i know exactly where it leads
it's a place i can't return to
and yet, just like that
i've arrived
hellbent in a white squall of fire and brimstorm
i let my guard down
and in so many words -
I'M COMPLETELY FUCKING ENAMORED WITH YOU
it's stupid just how much
i've thrown cool
right out the window
after holding onto it for so damn long
with vice grip-like intensity
i'm not sure what to do or say anymore -
i'm inside-out, and all out of sorts
somewhere short of sort of
i worked so hard
to be nearly made of stone
and now i'm flying
a vulnerability & crossbones
flag in my sails
at the total mercy of my mind's longing
and my heart's ability to keep up
there's always fool's gold
in the rainbow's furthest reaches
the gold is real enough alright
that - i'm absolutely sure of
but it's fool's gold within my own enervated grasp
because she is gold
that belongs to someone else
quickly everyone,
please take your seats
slow down your cars
the show is about to begin